jaNeEeEeE!*

Don’t you think that words are just words. It doesn’t carry any weight unless you put it into action. But why is it that whenever someone says anything we believe it a 100%, and not wait for them to prove themselves.

Are we so easily pleased? Shouldn’t we seek reassurance before taking what a person says to heart?

Although words can’t hurt us physically it cuts deep emotionally. Sometimes it hurts so much that you don’t see a point in expressing yourself.

However, isn’t it ironic that when there is a lack of words, it results in misunderstandings? So, what is the importance of words?

There’s just so much going through my mind right now. I have no clue how to express it. Everything seems to be a blur. The thought of coming back in a month is so surreal. Initially, it was really exciting to think that I would finally come home. But now that the time is drawing near, I’m not so sure if that is what I really want.

Thinking of the fact that I have to come home and start all over scares me. But what scares me more is the thought of coming back to a place that brings back so many overwhelming memories.

There’s so many things I’m going to miss when I go back. I’m going to miss my friends the most. There’s so much more, but its just hard to put it into words. Whenever I try to talk to someone, before listening they just tell me I just need to adapt. Sometimes, I find adapting the hardest thing to do. Even people close to me don’t seem to understand or spare a thought, and that hurts the most.

What’s the point of sitting here crying? The more I just sit here crying, the more i feel as though I’m at a standstill while everything is passing by so fast. Who has the right to tell me what is best for me or when I’m ready for certain things. Shouldn’t we get to decide what we deem right on our own?

I wish I could gain a sense of certainty about things. It sucks to know that things are uncertain, and you keep living under the thought of ‘what ifs’. There’s just so many ‘what ifs’ in my mind right now. I guess that is what causes me more confusion.

There’s one thing I wish I could get a definite answer to. But I guess time is what’s needed. It sucks to bare your feelings to someone and be left to wonder. If only time could be turned back, I would make a different decision. But what’s the point of saying ‘if only’?

I guess I’ll just see how everything goes.

What are the odds that when a midterm is approaching I have to come down with a fever. That means that I won’t be able to study for my calculus test and that sucks. What’s worse is that the chapter that I’m going to be tested on is the hardest one out of the whole course. ARHX!! Is there a reason for this? I have kinda been slacking off a little in this chapter cause it’s so hard I kinda like gave up. This long weekend is the only time I’m actually studying my butt off. Am I being taught a tough lesson? I know one shouldn’t wait till the last minute to study for something. But if this is a lesson for me to learn that I should always be well prepared, it sure is a harsh one. Oh wells I should get some rest now and hopefully get better so I could get more studying done.

Today was pretty much a normal day. I’m really glad I got out of the house and went to starbucks. It was supposed to be a study thingy but we just ended up playing with the laptop most of the time. Anyway I’m so glad you listened to everything i had to say peter =) I must say you’re really a great friend. But for the SF thing you should really think about it.haha!

Have you ever done something that you regretted so much and somehow there just isn’t a way to mend it? Don’t you wish things were straightforward? People always say you should think it through before you make a decision. But sometimes it’s easier said then done. Don’t you wish it was easy just to go up to someone and tell them how you feel, and hopefully they would feel the same way? It would make life so much easier, and we would not have to deal with the emotional roller coaster.

I really regret everything I did back then, and I wish I could take it all back and start over. It really sucks to feel this way. It tears you down to like someone so much but somehow you can’t seem to tell them and show them how you feel entirely. But it’s ironic that I am feeling this way when I chose this path. Whether you read this or whether it matters to you I guess i just want you to know that i just really miss everything. Mainly I wanna say that i miss you, and I really hope we could give it another shot somehow. There’s so much I want to tell you. But I really don’t know how to. I don’t want to screw things up again cause you mean a lot to me. But I have no clue what to do now. I really hope things would change and I can tell you how I feel.

  Don’t you ever wonder why some things turn out the way they do? Lets take friendships for instance. Sometimes it just seems like you’re putting a lot of effort into it but the other person just isn’t. Isn’t a friendship based on 2 people not just one? So why should one person do all the work and hope to gain something in return. Is it worth it in the long run or do you hope you would manage to make something out of it? Don’t you ever get drained out when you try so hard and yet get nothing in return? Actually it really isn’t about getting something in return. It really is about being appreciated. How often do you have a friend who tells you they appreciate what you’ve done, or take sometime to just drop you a message. I guess I’m guilty of that too.

  However, I must say that there are definitely friends who would go all out for you no matter what. Karen, I really appreciate you being there for me all the time. Although we always have our silly misunderstandings I’m glad our friendship is still so tight. Debbie and Kim, I’m really glad we managed to have such a great friendship. We don’t talk all the time but I know no matter what i can always count on you guys. You’re really a great friend=)

highschool is an experience that i would NEVER forget, excluding all the drama and all. i miss the familiar environment and all the familiar faces. although we always complained about QUEST and wanted to get out of highschool, now that i’m actually done with it, it feels weird. i’m so used to the safety net of the regular people and the regular lunch people. but now, i’m in a totally new surrounding. it makes it so hard to adjust knowing that everyone is going to be scattered everywhere. will we ever meet again? would we still keep in contact like we promised to? there’s so many memories left in that old fun down campus. all the pranks, hardwork, stress and fights. although i’ve only been there my junior and senior year, the imprints are hard to forget. when graduation day finally came, we were all ecstatic. WE FINALLY MADE IT! we worked through benchmarks like QUEST just to make it to that day. but after our grand ending of a chapter in our lives, we move on to a new one. however it is hard to let go of the past and move on to the present. WAIT! do we really have to let go of it? or we could carry the memories with us as we face new experiences. although i might not get to relieve the highschool experience, i do not regret going through it. i’m glad i went through it, and i lived it to the fullest. now that i’m starting a new chapter of my life, i’m going to embrace it with open arms and remembering the principles instilled in me so i would not have any regrets. all the wonderful memories and experiences would be always kept with me=)

people say feelings can’t be controlled. is that fact or fiction? you tell me. everything seems to be a blur. sometimes i wonder if certain things are worth giving up. if they are do we just drop it and walk by pretending nothing ever happened. sometimes i wish we could just pause time for a lil and think about stuff or look at what’s going on from a 3rd person’s perspective. i wish we could just talk. we used to be able to talk comfortably. but now things are just so awkward. i would do anything to go back into the past where u never knew how i felt. but it’s too late now isn’t it? things just get weird when feelings are involved i guess. honestly am i wrong to have told u how i felt? maybe the timing was wrong. in fact the timing was really wrong. well i guess we could go our seperate ways now. at least we won’t cross paths again. we’re no longer gonna go to the same school. maybe this is gonna be better for both of us. but i just feel terrible. it just seems like a part of me is hurting. i just wanna talk things out. oh wells ur never gonna see this. i guess thats a good part. anyway i did my part by texting you. the rest is up to u i guess. time heals everything. eventually it would seem like nothing ever happened. what could have been or might have been will never happen.

school is such a DRAG.man there’s like so much work and stuff to study.i’m just so so tired.man i wish i didnt have so much work to do.but oh well.precal finals are this thurs.i hope i pass.i wanna pass that class so badly.haha.not that i’m failing but i want a better grade=)i should have done ALL my hw.chem bowl is tmr.HOPE WE WIN!!its all about winning.i’m so lazy.haha.actually i’m not lazy i’m just a really tired person.haha.i’ve been so freaking tired recently u just cant imagine.haha.oh wells i cant wait for summer to come!!haha.and my parents are coming this weekend.haha.FINALLY!!hope we go to NY or something.haha.i wanna go on a vaccation.crap i hope my damn tan would just go away.i wanna look PALE!!dang it y did the sun in florida have to attack me like there was no tmr.and the sun back here aint really doing me any good too.i went swimming on sat and now i have a freaking tanline[too much information huh?].this is so not happening to me.haha.DAMN IT!forget being pale ever again for me.haha.peace out*

OMG!finals are coming.oh well i just have to study really hard but i’m sure it’ll be fine.i’m just pretty scared about bio.its so hard.man!well school is so boriing nowadays.we do nothing actually we just basically revise and that’s about it.oh we had chem bowl today.it was pretty fun.haha.well i got 11 pennies!!!woOooOOopErS=)oh wells i’ve been sick this few days.but hey at least i’m getting better.haha.aint that cool.but what can i say.man i cant wait for school to be out and we can actually relax and have fun.hope we go CAMPING.haha.it would be sOooOOoOOo fun.haha.but i’ve got tennis camp and drivers ed the whole summer.how cool is that.well at least drivers ed just takes up like a few wks.haha.anyway i gtg now.LATERS!

*50 CENT!!!woOoOoOhOooO.one cool thingy!!haha.disco inferno.come on SHAKE IT BABY!!=)*

oh wells school is pretty ok i guess.my finals are like coming.OMG!haha.but oh wells.nothing much has been happening actuallly.its actually pretty boring.but hey tennis is pretty fun.other then hurting my damn wrist.oOoooOoh i went to San Francisco on sunday to go SHOPPING.haha!i spent so much money.pretty sucky but who cares^_*yesterday was a public holiday.haha.memorial wkend!!but we didnt do much.was supposed to go to Great America to go on rides but we didnt in the end.we changed our plans so many times that we just didnt do anything.haha!pretty GAY SHIT.but oh well it was still pretty fuNnNnNnN!=)school today was pretty cool i guess.i finished my diorama and outside reading before everyone so i have so much free time!woOOoOoOhoOoOO!!oh we watched this gay ass movie in cca.it was pretty cool!the guy was like hella eccentric but he has a hecka cool house!haha.TIGHT*oh wells i gtg.LATERS!!